so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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