just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
