On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize