I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize