Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
