maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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