I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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