I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
