I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
