how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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