i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
