we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
