i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
