We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
