My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
