Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
handjob tips. give me some.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
