I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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