You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
a search helicopter?!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
