you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
