Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
