I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
