I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
vagina is talking i cant
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
