my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
there is glitter all over my balls
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
