i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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