Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
