you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
