I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
