Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just found a bag of teeth...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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