Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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