Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
