your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he puts the penis in happiness.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
