I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
