I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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