talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
