So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
