Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
