just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
