I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
