I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
