Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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