I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im holly from the hills drunk
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize