i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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