i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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