she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
