My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
