That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
