I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
