Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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