please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
