You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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