the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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