Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
