Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
