her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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