the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
