I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
