I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Do vagina's smell?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
