ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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