What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
