What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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