that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sorry my hands just texted you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
