Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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