I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
