seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
