Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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