you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
