Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
