apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
