Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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