i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
