Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
