so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
