I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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