brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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